Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
11 Warning Signs of Emotional Abuse
1. Your partner attacks your self-worth and criticizes you
Being demeaned by your partner is a clear sign of emotional abuse. If they are constantly putting you down, calling you names, criticizing your behavior, and suggesting you are worthless, this is a big red flag. Particularly if it happens in front of other people with the intention of humiliating you. Everyone deserves a partner who respects them them (flaws and all); a relationship where insults and criticism are the norm is toxic.
2. Your partner controls your appearance
Oftentimes, emotional abuse takes place when a woman’s partner wants to control how she looks. Examples include forcing or coercing a partner to lose weight, remove body hair, or dress a certain way. In this situation, the woman is led to feel that she is undesirable unless she changes her appearance to suit the male partner’s preference.
3. Your partner shares sensitive information about you
Another sign of emotional abuse is a partner who shares sensitive information about you with others. For example, a woman might be sensitive about the fact that she is overweight and plans to start seeing a nutritionist. The woman asks her partner not to tell anyone about it. If her partner shares the information anyway, emotional abuse is in effect. In this case, the abusive partner may diminish her confidence and increase feelings of vulnerability.
4. Your partner shuts conversations down
This is a classic sign of emotional abuse. Abusers are not interested in mutual understanding. They simply want to coerce and control their partners into submission. One way this takes place is when the abuser prevents his partner from speaking. They may cut you off mid-sentence, walk away from the conversation, or talk over you until you give up and the abuser feels they have “won” the argument. This is a form of emotional abuse that makes the victim feel that her voice has no value.
5. Your partner gaslights you
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that abusive partners will often use. Gaslighting refers to when an abuser tries to control a victim by twisting their sense of reality or making them doubt what they experienced. Examples of gaslighting include telling a victim "that never happened," or "that's not what I said," which can cause the victim to question their memory and rely more on the reality that their abuser creates. Another common form of gaslighting is being told "you're crazy" or "you're too sensitive" to invalidate your feelings and discredit you.
6. Your partner crosses boundaries
Creating boundaries is a way for couples to maintain strong relations while simultaneously having a sense of self and independence. For example, you and your partner might have a joint account while also maintaining independent accounts. If a man charges a purchase to his partner’s account without her permission, he’s crossed a boundary. If boundary-breaking happens repeatedly, this jeopardizes the victim's sense of safety and independence.
7. Your partner monitors your activities or conversations
If your partner constantly checks your text messages, call history, emails, or browser history, this controlling behavior is a form of emotional abuse. It forces you into a constant fear of being watched or scrutinized, and makes it difficult to reach out to others when you need help.
8. Your partner isolates you from family and friends
Emotionally abusive partners may try to isolate the victim from their friends and family members. The abuser does not want the victim to have a social network because others may question his controlling actions and attitudes. In some cases, an emotionally abusive spouse or partner will forbid a woman to maintain a friendship after the friend calls out his inappropriate behavior. Isolating their victim from others is also a way for an abuser to secure their victim's state of dependence on them, making it harder to leave.
9. You have to ask your partner for permission to leave the house
This is a clear sign of emotional abuse. With this type of controlling behavior, the abuser wants to ensure that he always knows where the other person is. Additionally, this type of behavior is a psychological trick that makes the victim experience self-doubt about her ability to be independent, complete important tasks, set and accomplish goals, etc.
10. Your partner asks you to compromise your morals
Like most people, you probably have a sense of right and wrong that helps you maintain a sense of ethical selfhood. Yet in many cases, an emotionally abusive partner will compromise this healthy way of living by asking you to do or say things that violate your moral code. One common example is a man pressuring a woman for sex despite the fact that she has already stated she is not ready for this level of physical intimacy. Another example would be asking a partner another to lie on their behalf. Here, the victim’s sense of self is damaged if they feel they’ve deviated from the values that make them a good person.
11. Your partner demeans your dreams
Emotionally abusive individuals are typically frightened at the idea of a partner realizing their dreams. This is because the abuser wants the victim to depend on him for a sense of self-worth and fulfillment. For this reason, it is common for abusers to make fun of the victim’s dream. The goal of this behavior is to discourage the victim from acting independently, developing self-confidence, or gaining the resources necessary to leave if the abuse becomes unbearable. An example of demeaning the victim’s dream would be learning that the partner wants to go to college and stating “That’s stupid. You don’t need a degree to take care of the kids and clean the house.”
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info@liveyourdream.org
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CONNECT WITH US
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Learn the signs so you can speak up against abuse.
Emotional abuse is one way that unhealthy relationships manifest. Emotional abuse is broadly defined as when the actions and attitudes of one person cause another individual to experience negative emotions like anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem.
We've put together signs that indicate that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, plus other signs of abuse.
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True stories of women we've helped
Natalia
Natalia was trafficked into Mexico when she was just 11. She suffered years of forced servitude to the cartel. But when she had her son, she realized she couldn't let him grow up in this cruel environment. She made a courageous escape.
Upon returning to the U.S., she had to start her life from scratch. She decided to go to school, but she seriously struggled to find her footing.
Then, with help from our Live Your Dream Awards, Natalia got the financial and emotional support she needed to finish her degree. She is now pursuing her dream of starting a business.
Terreia
Terreia was abused for many years by her parents before ending up a homeless teenager on the streets of Toronto.
A pretty girl with low self-esteem, she made an easy target for pimps. Terreia was trafficked for sex and physically abused. At age 16, she finally put her pimp behind bars with help from police.
Terreia's journey of recovery has been long and difficult. But Terreia is determined to break this cycle of pain and poverty. With help from the Live Your Dream Awards, she is studying to become a counselor and life coach. Her dream is to create safe spaces for others to be able to heal.
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Natalia, one of our Live Your Dream Awards recipients, survived years of emotional abuse before courageously starting a new life.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224
Signs of Physical Abuse
- Hitting, punching, kicking, shoving, choking, or slapping
- Using weapons to inflict harm or threaten you
- Controlling what you eat or when you sleep
- Forcing you to do work against your will
- Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol
- Stopping you from seeking medical treatment or calling for help
Signs of Sexual Abuse
- Forcing you to perform sexual acts without consent
- Demanding sex when you're not willing or able
- Harming you during sex by choking, holding, or striking you
- Forcing you to watch pornography
- Insulting you in sexual ways
Signs of Psychological Abuse
- Threatening to hurt you or your children, pets, or loved ones
- Damaging your stealing your belongings, or threatening to
- Blaming you for the abuse, saying that you deserve what happens or that you caused him to react
- Withholding affection or acknowledgement in order to punish you or get their way
- Cheating on you to deliberately cause you anguish
- Lying to you
Signs of Reproductive Abuse
- Refusing to use a condom, or deliberately removing it during intercourse without your knowledge
- Refusing to let you use birth control of your choice
- Sabotaging birth control, such as poking holes in condoms, swapping out birth control pills, not pulling out
- Forcing you to become pregnant
- Forcing you to have an abortion, or preventing you from getting one, regardless of your wishes
Signs of Financial Abuse
- Preventing you from having access to bank accounts with your money
- Only permitting you to spend from an allowance
- Monitoring how you spend money and deciding what you can or cannot buy
- Stealing your money or using your savings or credit cards without your permission
- Refusing to contribute to shared expenses such as rent, food, childcare, etc.
Other Signs of an Abusive Relationships
What Should I Do If I'm Being Abused?
If you’ve witnessed any of these abuse warning signs, it’s important to recognize that this is not normal behavior, and no human being ever deserves to be abused. There is no shame in seeking help or looking for an escape. You are not responsible for what has happened, but you are responsible for what happens next. You have the power to help yourself.
At LiveYourDream.org’s Resource Page we’ve listed some valuable links to help your get the support you need.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, CALL 911.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224
Hotline advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year to provide confidential counseling, crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
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With support from from people like you—generous volunteers, advocates, and donors—we're moving the needle on gender equality with our global programs that invest in the education dreams of women & girls.
Join the community and take action today!
Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Emotional abuse is one way that unhealthy relationships manifest. Emotional abuse is broadly defined as when the actions and attitudes of one person cause another individual to experience negative emotions like anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem.
We've put together signs that indicate that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, plus other signs of abuse.